and i've been wondering 'bout that change.

*sigh* sometimes i find myself envious of other peoples lives. it's like they have it all together. it's like everything is set, lovely, and strangely in their control.

now deep down i know none of that is true. they don't. they have shit happen. they have struggles, frustrations, pressures, fears, concerns, loss, anger and sadness.

and they def. have no control, for lets face it: none of us do.

but man sometimes i just wish that maybe i could live their life for one day. see what it was like. ironically it would probably leave me rushing back into my own skin. maybe today i just feel unnerved in my own skin.

hm. i don't know. it's also interesting that the people i typically envy i don't even know. they are really but strangers or acquaintances at most. so in truth i don't even know them enough to know their humanness. which is probably why their lives seem so perfect, fascinating, and untouchable.

i love how i am self-analyzing myself on here. ha. just another glimpse into my inner psyche via my blog. yep, i am indeed human, and yes, i am indeed being a selfish little girl right now.

i've left bethlehem and i feel free.

Fall is officially here! hello october. hello cool fall weather. hello leave changes, pumpkins, and mulled cider.

i dare say that i am greatly enjoying the ushering in of fall this october. it is my favorite season of the year and this is my favorite month. recently i have been dragging my poor husband on these walks with me through the local high school(s) cross country path that makes it way past the athletic fields, brush fields, and farm fields. the line of trees in the background make for a lovely view which i am hoping will only grow more beautiful with the changing colors.

in other news i have found a local pumpkin farm that debo and i are going to be going to next weekend. i'm so excited, it has hay-rides, you pick pumpkins in the fields, it has corn mazes, a country store, petting zoo, and more. our good friend tall john is coming to visit us next week as well, and we shall be dragging him with us on this adventure, with most likely a few of our hodson boys, and hopefully a nice group of the other RDs.

things have been so busy as of late. debo and i were talking about how we are lucky to get and hour together. between our boys being over, coffee dates with my girlfriends and students, and just other things that book our time (for instance, last night i was on a panel discussion about female relationships/camaraderie in our sister building) and work during the day, its enough to say "bring on the weekend!" tonight debo and one of our boys, fussy, is helping our friend andra move a couch, so i'm going to have andra and fussy over for dinner afterwards. then it will be off to the gym and over to steph's apt for The Office. good times. :-D

on a completely different note...its been so cute bundling my kiddos up and taking them outside to play. they crack me up. also, keagan who is not even two yet is obsessed with letters. he already knows what most of them are and he can say for practically all of them the sounds they make. he doesn't even talk yet besides some basic words, but he knows his alphabet! it's crazy! being with kids so much, and talking to moms def. makes me look forward to the day i become a mama. thats a few years down the road mind you! (i'm only 23) but i think it such a beautiful thing and i am really looking forward to it.

i hope its becoming Fall where you are! :-D

held to the past too aware of the pending.

"When we are at wits' end for an answer, then the Holy Spirit can give us an answer. But how can He give us an answer when we are still well supplied with all sorts of answers of our own?" ~ Karl Barth

"But now that you have come to know God, or rather to be known by God, how can you turn back again to the weak and worthless elementary principles of the world, whose slaves you want to be once more?" ~ Galatians 4:9

free to be in Him.