lately i have been wrestling with a spirit of discontentment.
our apartment feels too small.
my post prego body is well....a work in progress.
our finances are tight and at times restricting.
i mean by nature we always want more.
more money.
more things.
more time.
we browse social media and are infiltrated by the glittering highlights of the lives of people around us. people who seem to be impeccable dressers, or seem to embody a perfect family, or have the coolest houses, or jobs, or vacations, or stuff. it is hard not to compare and contrast and beat ourselves over what we seem to lack.
deep down we know that no one is perfect. i mean no one has the perfect life made up of rainbows and butterflies, devoid of worry or troubles or problems, right?
BUT, those instagram photos sure seem to make a good case for perfection and surely that DIY blog you found via pinterest where some fashionista is a fantastic cook with a gorgeous house and family with the ideal life has to be real, right?
i mean why else do we feel the need to showcase our lives so much? even before social media people have innately strived to keep up appearances in order to prove their worth.
i guess what kills me is that despite my knowing all this broadcasted idealism is bullshit, i still get sucked in and i let myself put stock and value in it.
i mean i put value in these outward things when really i know in my heart and in my soul that value is not what we have, or what we appear to be to others; value is instead what we do and how we live and use the time we have in this world.
i want to be & live, & embody things like kindness, love, thankfulness, contentment, goodness, selflessness, courageousness, zealousness, generosity, patience, hope, joy, meekness, gentleness, strength, wisdom, faithfulness, and have self control. i want to embody the life Jesus spent on this earth, a selfless and loving life.
after all, i don't really want a perfect home. because a gorgeous house will never give me fulfillment. deep down what i really want is a safe place for people come in to talk, or laugh, or cry, share a meal, or sleep, play games, have a beer or glass of wine, or a root beer float....
the point is i want our home to be a place of hospitality, despite its tiny size, or the baby things scattered about the place, or the dishes in the sink. because true hospitality is inviting people in even when the house is out of order and the time is not convenient.
and i don't really want the perfect body. because what is really perfect anyway? what i really want is to be healthy, confident, and to love myself, even with the love lines (ie. stretch marks) that came from childbearing.
and i don't really want to be rich. because money is not the answer to all of my problems. in fact living on a budget teaches us to live without, be generous when we can, and to make do with what we have.
so i rearranged some furniture, painted a few walls (with paint supplies we already had), and used some craftiness to update our home in a thrifty fashion. i am working at eating more veggies and savoring morning jogs with my baby girl as i spend time at getting healthy. and i am learning to make do with less, even when my selfish heart always pines for more.
let me pine after the things that are truly valuable and disregard the lies and bull that tell me otherwise.
let me embody a beautiful soul.
