"a moment, a love, a dream, a laugh, a kiss, a cry, our rights our wrongs."

wow.

we have now been living in colorado for 3 weeks.

as time has passed i have found myself loving this state even more. from the weather to the sites, to all the choices. debo and i have so much fun exploring both the mountain parks/trails and the city. we're are not used to having so many choices. tomorrow we are thinking of either the zoo or the aquarium.

i have officially found a job. it is a huge blessing! i am a nanny again with a family near by who are really wonderful. the hours are amazing, and they are extremely generous which is another blessing in itself.

i have decided that i may go back to school within the next year or so to get certified in Early Childhood Development because i have found that i really love working with little kids. it's funny because that was not the case while i was in college...however, life works like that quite a bit. we make big plans and then they all get shot to hell because well, God has something much different in store.

...and from my life experiences so far i know all too well that God always knows best.

so i'm taking a deep breath and diving in.

transition, a mission.

i took a test a while back from the book Strengths Finder 2.0. It has you take a 3o minute test online, giving you 30 seconds to answer where you fall on different scales. each side of the scale has very little to do with one another, but you have to choose which side most describes you. then the test proceeds to name your top five strengths. interestingly enough it does not tell you your weaknesses, mostly because it does not want people to use them as an excuse for why they cannot do something well.

when you find out your strengths it gives you a detailed analysis of what each one is and how they can be used. Debo had to take this test when he got his job at IWU, and after he took it he really wanted me to take it because it really gives you a lot of insight into yourself (kind of like personality tests and others can).

upon taking the test i wasn't surprised by what my strengths were, except for one. the one that happened to be my number 2 strength: ADAPTABILITY. i practically fell over when i read it. i laughed, "really? i mean really? this can't be true." it is my husband that is the adaptable one, he can adjust to any place, any person, any where. it's amazing (and one of his strengths).

me however, i feel the exact opposite. i'm the homebody, the non-adventurer. i like the idea of seeing the world, but i want to take someone i know along and i only want to visit. i could very easily live in pittsburgh my whole life, a block from my family, and be perfectly content. when i do leave home, my comfort zone, i freak out, i cry, i think about my family constantly, i become increasingly nostalgic (which makes matters worse), i get nervous, afraid, and i just long for some normalcy/familiarity. how do i know this? i know this from going off to college (1 hr away), from getting married and moving to indiana (6 hrs away), and now moving out to colorado (20+hrs away).

i sure don't feel very ADAPTABLE. i feel like i am a homesick, little girl. i guess eventually i adjust, but for it to be my actual strength? i just don't know.

Debo told me that even if something is supposed to be our strength from the test it may or may not be developed within us yet. like a resource still not tapped.

i feel so homesick. i miss pittsburgh. i miss family. i also miss indiana and our friends and students there. i guess i had adapted to life there, it had become another "home." i suppose with time colorado will too...but now, now it does not feel like home. it feels cold and distant and i just want to be at one of my home's.

perhaps all these changes will bring out my adaptability strength...but truthfully i wish it was already developed, because i hate transitioning. it's exhausting and scary and for me one of my greatest challenges.

*sigh* if you could. please pray for me in my transition.

"debo, we're not in kansas anymore."

we arrived in denver on friday. the weather in colorado is much dryer than the humidity filled regions i've lived in before, so it made for good move in weather. no stickiness, cool breeze, and in the shade it felt perfect.

we also had the entire admission staff of CCU, minus 1, help us move in. this was also wonderful because they were a bunch of strong guys! with them and a help of a few others all our boxes and furniture were dropped off into our apt in record time.

it's now sunday, and well our apt is really coming together. it looks like a home. however, just as it took time to feel like home at IWU, i know it will also take some time for it to feel like home here.

the place is actually a lot bigger than our former apt, it's also nicer. huge closets, nice size living room, more counter space in the kitchen, 2 medium sized bedrooms, a balcony that gives us a view of the rocky mountains. it's gorgeous really, and it is already painted with creams, avocado greens, deep brown, and midnight blues, which i'm totally digging. i'll post pictures soon, i promise.

we now live in lakewood, colorado, which is a suburb of denver and it is HUGE. it has everything. you name it, this place has it. restaurants, stores, a wholefoods market, upscale fashion mall, anything and everything. and if that isn't enough for you, well, denver is only 20 minutes away, you can actually see downtown on some of the roads. denver is huge in itself, and from sports, to zoo/aquarium, museums, amusement park, and the worlds largest water park right in the city...there's no end to what you can do.

also, if urban life isn't your thing, the mountains are 20 minutes in the other direction. we visited the Red Rocks Park the first day we arrived. it is gorgeous. these gigantic red rocks towering from the dirt of the mountains. it was a foreign sight to an Appalachian girl like me. Red Rocks is the place that has the outdoor amphitheater built right into the rocks (people like Dave Matthews have live concerts recorded there). there are trails for hiking, biking, and in the winter nearby skiing/snowboarding resorts. having lived in small town marion, IN for the past two years i forgot what is was like to live in a BIG place. i've also never lived in the suburbs before (i don't know if i'd want too forever, but that may just be my inner city pride talking) but in a lot of ways they are like cities in themselves.

however, despite all these things and despite fixing up our place, organizing, buying new things, and exploring the area, everything really is but a temporary distraction. these things don't bring peace or fill my heart with true joy. this is the hard part of starting over somewhere new for me. the thought of making new friends, finding a new church, meeting new students, finding a new job, and being far away from my other friends and family is hard to swallow. it's a lot of work and a lot of transition. it honestly is scary as hell. therefore, it's so easy to distract myself with the things of the world to compensate somehow for what i feel like i no longer have here anymore, security & familiarity.

i wish sometimes that my parents were out here or even some of my closest girlfriends. they would act as a comfort zone to me. a safe place. someone on top of my husband to do things with while i learn, transition, make new friends and get acclimated to this new place...

i know though deep down though that the only REAL comfort zone i have is in Christ. He is my stability, my foundation, and He always takes care of me, but in times like these i just get so scared. i quickly forget His past provisions in my life. perhaps it is just in my sinful nature to return back to thinking i will fail and be alone. i will fail and live in fear, self-loathing, and pain. my sinful nature leads me to DOUBT & DESPAIR, a very lethal combination because it lacks HOPE.

in times like these i have two options. i can dwell in fear or i can rise to the challenge and go right to the source of what i need. so this morning i found myself with tear stained cheeks on my couch praying with hands raised to my Savior. praying for peace and for a heart focused on what really matters. i know what it feels like to lose my home now. i also know how easy it can be to make gods out of our things, jobs, and loved ones. i know that God is the only thing that won't ever be shaken in my life.

so yes, jonathan and i are blessed. when we lost our home and job, He surrounded us with loved ones to support us, and then through it all provided jonathan with this job (doing something he loves) out in colorado. however, the real blessing in it all is not the job, or the people, or the home we have now. it's GOD, it's His love for us, it's the care He gives us, the hope He gives us, the truth He feeds our very souls.

i know with time, this place will feel like home. i'll find a job, make new friends, join a church, get to know and mentor our students, and even have opportunities to visit family/friends (or have them visit us). But the reality is Jesus has got to be my security, my comfort zone, and the home for my heart. so even in this time of fear, uncertainty, and transition i know that i actually have everything i need. it's not money, a home, friends, or even family, it's my Lord God, my Father, my Savior. i am very blessed, indeed.

moving out to denver.

you know, i've always been a homebody. i love my family and extended family terribly. we have a gazillion traditions and we typically enjoy each others company. my mom is one of my best friends, and my aunt beth is like a second mom. my cousins clare, jena, sarah and i have been close since we were kids (all three of who which were part of my bridal party).

i also love pittsburgh. i love the city to pieces. i loved growing up in the inner city here, and living in lawrenceville. i practically bleed black and gold. i know it like the back of my hand. i love the culture, the "-ism's", the area, even as ghetto/trashy as it can be sometimes, it's a comfort to me, it's home. in all honesty i hope to live back in pittsburgh permanently one day.

so if you would have told me that i would have lived any place other than pittsburgh when i was in high school, i don't know if i would have believed it. when i got married in june of 08 i knew we were heading to indiana because debo got a job there. however, i looked to it as an adventure, not realizing how hard it would be for me to move 6 hours away, and to no longer live in a city. i grew a lot. i learned to appreciate indiana (even as much as i disliked the midwest). i found i had made a new home, and even though it was not like my pittsburgh one, i still liked it.

that was two years ago, and now debo and i are heading out to denver, colorado. this was not part of "the plan." it actually became a last minute change when debo lost his job at IWU. however, now we are going to be at Colorado Christian University, debo a resident director again, and me hopefully finding a job in denver (a city that is only 15 minutes away). what a blessing that within the month that debo lost one job, God provided a new one doing something he loves to do and something i love being a part of. also, God is bringing us to a place that just seems to be a much better fit, from the culture at CCU to even the smaller student population we are very excited to grown and learn there. [side note: another tough part to all of this is how much we will truly miss our students at IWU, the resident directors, and our other friends in marion, indiana. we love these people so much and we are going to miss them like crazy. they made indiana home and i don't want to forget that.]

it is kinda surreal. i never thought i'd live out west, ever. now i am gearing up for a new adventure and this time i can't even drive 6 hrs to get home to pittsburgh, i have to take a plane. however, i think God has been preparing this heart of mine during the past two years. it's scary, it's exciting, and it's a comfort to know that God is holding my hand just as he has been during this whole process.

God is so good. I can't tell you how blessed we are and just how much He pulled me through this process and taught me.

"The LORD is gracious and full of compassion, slow to anger, and great in mercy. The LORD is good to all, and His tender mercies are over all His works." _Psalm 145:8-9

*sigh* denver here we come.