oh holy night.

I do not exaggerate when I say that I am a cryer. 
I cry often while watching the news, reading a blog or article, thinking about the past, worrying about the future, talking to friends

I cry when I am happy and I cry when I am sad. 

My tears flow freely more often then I care to admit. 

The one place where I find myself crying often, is while singing in church.

it's not that I get sad while in church (although of course I have been sad at church before), or that it happens with every song we sing, but certain songs stir my heart and relieve my soul and so the tears flow faster than TLC's rendition of "Waterfalls". 

And nothing brings me to tears faster than, "Oh Holy Night."

Oh holy night
The stars are brightly shining
It is the night of the dear Savior's birth!
Long lay the world in sin and error pining
Till he appear'd and the soul felt its worth.

about the time we reach the line, 

"Till He appear'd and the soul felt its worth." 

I just lose it.

Jesus appeared and the soul, our very soul felt its worth. 

our life has meaning. our soul has worth. 
and it starts with the birth of a savior
on a quiet, humble night, in a dirty, stinky stable.

and then we sing, 

A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!
Fall on your knees
Oh hear the angel voices
Oh night divine
Oh night when Christ was born
Oh night divine...

and i bawl my eyes out. 
knowing how thankful i am for the gift of a savior and the gift of truly knowing my worth.


blessings to you where ever you are, and have a very merry christmas!

they catch on fast.

11 months.

holy cow. Azaria is 11 months old!

you know it's almost weird for me to call her Azaria? 

i mean i love her name. 

we picked it with great thought and intent and purpose.

(if you don't already know, it's Hebrew and means "Helped by God")

but Mr. Snug and i from the beginning dubbed her Zeze 

(i mean we are talking the still baking in the oven kind of beginning).

so all this to say is that my sweet, beautiful, cheeky little Zeze is 11 months old (as of the 13th),
and i just can't believe it.

this little minx has so much personality. 

she laughs at herself and at us when we laugh at her.

she is standing for a few seconds at a time by herself.

she cruises herself all over our living room or really any perimeter she can move about.

she loves other babies, and hams it up at Baby Time at our library.

one time she terrified a baby a few months older than herself because she kept screeching her hello's at  this little one. when i say screech i mean screech. 

Zeze literally screeches like a ring-wraith
from Lord of the Rings when she is happy. 

that includes staring at herself in the mirror and when she is face to face with other babies.

she has a lot more hair now; that her mama so stylishly brushes into a mohawk after baths. 

(that's why it stays perpetually stuck up in places). 

the little reepicheep is quite curious all of the time. 

i wish she would slow down from growing up so fast.

i mean she is gonna be 1 soon. 

i am not ready for that yet. 

but apparently she is.

this the paradox of a parent i suppose.

go figure.

life lately.

it has been terribly cold lately.

like daily under 10 degrees cold,

with nightly below zero.

if it wasn't december i probably would want to pack my bags for hawaii. 

but there is something about the holidays that make you not mind so much...plus for the first two months of winter, i kinda like bundling in oversized sweaters and sheepskin lined anything and hibernating in the warmth of my apartment or the homes of friends.

two months from now however, i will dream of flip flops and springtime.

trying on her north face.

we human beings are fickle creatures.

the babe and i have been up to all sorts of things lately like:

cruising around every piece of furniture in the house, eating guacamole like it's our job, bundling and unbundling multiple times a day to switch up our locale, listening to christmas music so much that i am sure the little reepicheep is hearing it in her sleep, and trying to basically entertain ourselves anyway we can.

hanging out with the boys i used to nanny.

lately, my favorite thing is moving about our little apartment and watching Zeze chase after me from room to room, crawling like a mini sonic the hedgehog.

little girl can move and boy does she like to get into trouble.

she especially loves gnawing on power cords, pulling DVDs from the shelves, and trying to eat the christmas tree.

charming me into oblivion.

never a dull moment.

on another note entirely i completely obsessed with the Sara Bareilles song, "Love is Christmas." Zeze and i probably listen to it like twenty times a day. It's definitely one of my new favorite christmas songs. 

take a listen --->

10 months.

my baby is 10 months.

10 months!

she is crawling everywhere and pulling herself up on anything she can reach.

she loves to babble and squeal.

she loves being outside and taking walks.

she has so much personality now!

i love this little peanut!

9 months.

this is a tad bit over due.

but little girl is 9 months old

(as of 10/13).

yes you heard right. 9 months!

she's crawling & picking up food then eating it herself 

& giggling all the time like a mad-woman 

& and getting into everything.

and i absolutely adore her. 

i tell her daily that i want to eat her cheeks for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

and sometimes for a snack. 

oh my sweet girl. <3

8 months.

well hey there little lady! 

can you believe you are already 8 months old today?

mommy sure can't believe it.

you are a wiggly worm most of the time.

you are totally on the verge of full blown 

crawling any day now! you push yourself up on your knees

 and move around as best you can

or you roll to your destination.

you love using your hands: 

throwing things, slapping people, grabbing everything.

you also love to eat food! 

especially peas & rice, apples & turkey, 

and green bean anything!

you are starting to fill out some of your 9 month clothing,

although you still wear a lot of 6 month stuff.

your giggle is the most beautiful sound on earth.

you love standing and trying to cruise by yourself around the coffee table.

you smile super BIG when daddy comes home from work.

Zeze lately.

likes: eating solids, playing with her toys, tummy time (can you believe it?), rolling around, sleeping, taking walks, meeting new people, cruising around the coffee table, walking with the help of daddy or mommy, snuggles.

dislikes: being overtired, poopy, hungry, and eating plain rice cereal. 

nicknames: munch. baby boo moo. snuggle bum. cheeker's. chip. peanut. 

we love you Azaria!

7 months.

Azaria is 7 months old today!

7 months! crazy!

little girl sits up like a champ.

but still has her sudden face plant moments 

(ie. looses balance).

she's eating all sorts of yummy foods

 (like spinach, pear, green beans, etc)

she loves to laugh and giggle 

especially when she sees daddy's silly faces.

she loves being outside!

and she loves meeting new people.

she will grab anything she can and has a firm grip.

in fact she loves to pull mommy's hair and not let go.

she still has wild peach fuzz hair.

nom nom nom.

little girl also loves to stand up

 (with something to hold on for support).

Zeze lately. 

loves: playing, being outside, sitting up, standing up, eating solids, playing in grass/sand, taking a morning jog, attempting to walk with daddy, sleeping, snuggling, being lifted in the air or leaning her backwards, squirming like a worm while drinking her milk, being cute.

dislikes: her sippy cup, not being able to reach something she wants (and as she is still limited in mobility so it is hilarious watching her attempt to wiggle where she is trying to go), being woken up too early from a nap. 

nicknames: pea-knuckle, knuckle-pean, reepicheep, bambini, bambino, baby love, lil snuggler.

here she is saying, "i'm tired of posing for pictures mom!"

oh my soul.

lately i have been wrestling with a spirit of discontentment.

our apartment feels too small.
my post prego body is well....a work in progress.
our finances are tight and at times restricting.

i mean by nature we always want more.
more money.
more things.
more time.

we browse social media and are infiltrated by the glittering highlights of the lives of people around us. people who seem to be impeccable dressers, or seem to embody a perfect family, or have the coolest houses, or jobs, or vacations, or stuff. it is hard not to compare and contrast and beat ourselves over what we seem to lack.

deep down we know that no one is perfect. i mean no one has the perfect life made up of rainbows and butterflies, devoid of worry or troubles or problems, right?

BUT, those instagram photos sure seem to make a good case for perfection and surely that DIY blog you found via pinterest where some fashionista is a fantastic cook with a gorgeous house and family with the ideal life has to be real, right?

i mean why else do we feel the need to showcase our lives so much? even before social media people have innately strived to keep up appearances in order to prove their worth.

i guess what kills me is that despite my knowing all this broadcasted idealism is bullshit, i still get sucked in and i let myself put stock and value in it.

i mean i put value in these outward things when really i know in my heart and in my soul that value is not what we have, or what we appear to be to others; value is instead what we do and how we live and use the time we have in this world.

i want to be & live, & embody things like kindness, love, thankfulness, contentment, goodness, selflessness, courageousness, zealousness, generosity, patience, hope, joy, meekness, gentleness, strength, wisdom, faithfulness, and have self control. i want to embody the life Jesus spent on this earth, a selfless and loving life.

after all, i don't really want a perfect home. because a gorgeous house will never give me fulfillment. deep down what i really want is a safe place for people come in to talk, or laugh, or cry, share a meal, or sleep, play games, have a beer or glass of wine, or a root beer float....

the point is i want our home to be a place of hospitality, despite its tiny size, or the baby things scattered about the place, or the dishes in the sink. because true hospitality is inviting people in even when the house is out of order and the time is not convenient.

and i don't really want the perfect body. because what is really perfect anyway? what i really want is to be healthy, confident, and to love myself, even with the love lines (ie. stretch marks) that came from childbearing.

and i don't really want to be rich. because money is not the answer to all of my problems. in fact living on a budget teaches us to live without, be generous when we can, and to make do with what we have.

so i rearranged some furniture, painted a few walls (with paint supplies we already had), and used some craftiness to update our home in a thrifty fashion. i am working at eating more veggies and savoring morning jogs with my baby girl as i spend time at getting healthy. and i am learning to make do with less, even when my selfish heart always pines for more.

let me pine after the things that are truly valuable and disregard the lies and bull that tell me otherwise.

let me embody a beautiful soul.

6 months.

Azaria is 6 months old today.

little girl is sitting up for minutes at a time.

she has two bottom teeth now.

and her top teeth are starting to budge.

she grabs, knocks over toys, and flails around with her strong arms.

she has begun solid food.

(rice cereal, sweet potatoes and carrots so far!)

she has now had her first plane ride and her first trip to the beach.

and she's one busy baby.

Zeze lately. 

loves: when mommy or daddy sing to her. chewing on everything. pulling & grabbing. sitting up. splashing in the tub or in water. walks. playing outside. the sand at the volleyball court. going new places. meeting new people. looking at herself in the mirror. taking naps! (never thought i'd say that one!)

dislikes: being too tired. doing any one thing for too long. the blasted car seat. 

nicknames: chick pea. chompers. peaches & cream. peach fuzz. peach head. zeze bean. my love. peanut. pea-knuckle. 

5 months.

this is long over due. 

but here are Zeze's 5 month photos (from june 13th)!

my little ham.