"debo, we're not in kansas anymore."

we arrived in denver on friday. the weather in colorado is much dryer than the humidity filled regions i've lived in before, so it made for good move in weather. no stickiness, cool breeze, and in the shade it felt perfect.

we also had the entire admission staff of CCU, minus 1, help us move in. this was also wonderful because they were a bunch of strong guys! with them and a help of a few others all our boxes and furniture were dropped off into our apt in record time.

it's now sunday, and well our apt is really coming together. it looks like a home. however, just as it took time to feel like home at IWU, i know it will also take some time for it to feel like home here.

the place is actually a lot bigger than our former apt, it's also nicer. huge closets, nice size living room, more counter space in the kitchen, 2 medium sized bedrooms, a balcony that gives us a view of the rocky mountains. it's gorgeous really, and it is already painted with creams, avocado greens, deep brown, and midnight blues, which i'm totally digging. i'll post pictures soon, i promise.

we now live in lakewood, colorado, which is a suburb of denver and it is HUGE. it has everything. you name it, this place has it. restaurants, stores, a wholefoods market, upscale fashion mall, anything and everything. and if that isn't enough for you, well, denver is only 20 minutes away, you can actually see downtown on some of the roads. denver is huge in itself, and from sports, to zoo/aquarium, museums, amusement park, and the worlds largest water park right in the city...there's no end to what you can do.

also, if urban life isn't your thing, the mountains are 20 minutes in the other direction. we visited the Red Rocks Park the first day we arrived. it is gorgeous. these gigantic red rocks towering from the dirt of the mountains. it was a foreign sight to an Appalachian girl like me. Red Rocks is the place that has the outdoor amphitheater built right into the rocks (people like Dave Matthews have live concerts recorded there). there are trails for hiking, biking, and in the winter nearby skiing/snowboarding resorts. having lived in small town marion, IN for the past two years i forgot what is was like to live in a BIG place. i've also never lived in the suburbs before (i don't know if i'd want too forever, but that may just be my inner city pride talking) but in a lot of ways they are like cities in themselves.

however, despite all these things and despite fixing up our place, organizing, buying new things, and exploring the area, everything really is but a temporary distraction. these things don't bring peace or fill my heart with true joy. this is the hard part of starting over somewhere new for me. the thought of making new friends, finding a new church, meeting new students, finding a new job, and being far away from my other friends and family is hard to swallow. it's a lot of work and a lot of transition. it honestly is scary as hell. therefore, it's so easy to distract myself with the things of the world to compensate somehow for what i feel like i no longer have here anymore, security & familiarity.

i wish sometimes that my parents were out here or even some of my closest girlfriends. they would act as a comfort zone to me. a safe place. someone on top of my husband to do things with while i learn, transition, make new friends and get acclimated to this new place...

i know though deep down though that the only REAL comfort zone i have is in Christ. He is my stability, my foundation, and He always takes care of me, but in times like these i just get so scared. i quickly forget His past provisions in my life. perhaps it is just in my sinful nature to return back to thinking i will fail and be alone. i will fail and live in fear, self-loathing, and pain. my sinful nature leads me to DOUBT & DESPAIR, a very lethal combination because it lacks HOPE.

in times like these i have two options. i can dwell in fear or i can rise to the challenge and go right to the source of what i need. so this morning i found myself with tear stained cheeks on my couch praying with hands raised to my Savior. praying for peace and for a heart focused on what really matters. i know what it feels like to lose my home now. i also know how easy it can be to make gods out of our things, jobs, and loved ones. i know that God is the only thing that won't ever be shaken in my life.

so yes, jonathan and i are blessed. when we lost our home and job, He surrounded us with loved ones to support us, and then through it all provided jonathan with this job (doing something he loves) out in colorado. however, the real blessing in it all is not the job, or the people, or the home we have now. it's GOD, it's His love for us, it's the care He gives us, the hope He gives us, the truth He feeds our very souls.

i know with time, this place will feel like home. i'll find a job, make new friends, join a church, get to know and mentor our students, and even have opportunities to visit family/friends (or have them visit us). But the reality is Jesus has got to be my security, my comfort zone, and the home for my heart. so even in this time of fear, uncertainty, and transition i know that i actually have everything i need. it's not money, a home, friends, or even family, it's my Lord God, my Father, my Savior. i am very blessed, indeed.