why worry?

so i'm not sure why i let myself get overwhelmed. i really shouldn't at all. everything falls into place. everything.

- we our in the process of buying a new car, and thanks to the government we might actually be able to get a good deal because our current car is super old and has poor gas milage. thank you obama.

- i asked for a pay raise out of necessity, which i hated doing because i don't like things to be about money. i got it and the mom i work for also is super willing to be accomodating with me with a possibility of taking on another kiddo on top of her two.

- i have decided that i want to take on grad school, and i hope to be squared away and ready to start in January 2010 at IWU. i want to do their masters in counseling, my focus being on school counseling. i have thought about this quite a bit especially while i was working on my undergrad degree. my best friend reg and i would talk about various things we would be interested in doing after we graduated, and that one she always saw me doing, and i always kinda saw myself doing as well. however, the biggest hindering factor to me was money. it scares me to go into more debt, when i already have quite a bit. yet, it hit me one day, since to pursue higher education (unless you are or come from a wealthy family) is to deal with and pay off debt. it's just a part of it, and it's not worth getting scared over. if this is what i want to do i need to pursue it. and just realizing that has given me so much peace.

i always want control. i let that sense of wanting control ruin the fact that really i just need to have faith. i need to trust and know that its going to be okay. things don't always happen in the way or order we sometimes like but it doesn't mean that God is going to leave me alone. i find i need reminded of this often. perhaps i'll get it down someday.