asleep the snow came flying in.

sometimes when i listen to certain music it's as if i have a new sense of purpose.

it's as if the world is opening up and the future seems less daunting.

i can take on anything, go anywhere.

sometimes the music takes me back several years to other places i've been.

sometimes it makes me laugh, cry, dance, smile, dream, and hope.

my father always listens to a lot of instrumental christmas music with versions of all the classics updated with synthesizers, harp and steel drums, changed slightly to give them a different feel, yet beautiful none the less. my favorite are the new takes on traditional hymns. they give me goosebumps every time i hear them. they also stir my soul. i am reminded about why the holiday season is so important.

as this year is coming to a close, i look back at it seeing all that has occurred, and i can't help but think how meaningless it all would be for me if not for my loving Savior who has truly given me a life worth living.

i read an article recently in a magazine about prayer. the person writing it had no real faith in anything, and it made me think how meaningless it must be to pray when you don't know what or who you are praying too. it seemed empty and dark. a one sided dialogue. as Christians, yes, prayer might not always be answered in the way we would individually hope for it, but we always know Christ is listening and knows what is best for each of us. we know that He LOVES us, and to be loved is one of the greatest treasures on earth.

it is such a beautiful thing to BELIEVE, to believe in something that isn't about me, my wants or desires, but to believe in something that is above myself and all of the world. but also to believe in something that teaches us how to truly love the world.

all else is meaningless underneath the sun.

thankful.

God you are so good.

i take you for granted what sometimes feel like almost everyday.

i thank you for family and friends.

i thank you for bringing us to denver, CO and for CCU.

i thank you for our residents and students.

i thank you for our home and our jobs.

i thank you for cranberry and sugar.

i thank you for taking care of me, loving me, blessing me when i fail to honor, love, and serve you with everything. please change my heart daily LORD and let it serve you. PLEASE.

scars are souvenirs you never loose, the past is never far.

wow, i am so nostalgic.

sitting on my couch i just had a flashback to middle school. life was so different then.

not necessarily easier, just different.

i remember my obsession with teen movies from the 80s and my serious crush on john cusack. oh and let's not forget my revisiting of 80s music: Duran Duran, Tears for Fears, Howard Jones, anyone? then there was also the fact that i would waste hours playing "zelda: ocarina of time" on my brothers N64. oh and then there was also that shameful fact that Sailormoon (anime on cartoon network) was my more of my guilty pleasure tv show then say the oh so popular Dawson's Creek.

i also thought i was such a bad ass cause my friends and i swore like a sailors (i sadly still struggle with this believe it or not) and cause we listened to hard core/alternative bands like Korn, Silver Chair, and the Offspring (although i still secretly had soft spots for those soul searching people/bands like Jewel, Alanis, Pearl Jam, and Paula Cole). i remember how i thought i wanted to be an archeologist, mainly because i loved history and was obsessed with indiana jones. oh and i should also mention that i adored science fiction. i would watch the tv show Babylon 5 with my dad, and i was in love with Star Wars.

hahaha. a closet nerd as you can tell.

i remember "going out" for the first and only time (before my college years) with the guy i liked, and breaking up with him after a week cause i got scared of commitment. oh how silly, right? i also remember never having to travel far for holidays, all of my family was in pittsburgh, everyone was so close. i also remember my love for vampire novels (yes and this was WAY before twilight was ever written). oh and when i used to day dream for hours about that handsome prince who would sweep me off my feet someday. then there was also my crushes on numerous Pittsburgh Penguins (including Alexi Morosov *le sigh*). middle school was also the time when i met Jane Austen and entered the world of P&P and Mansfield Park. gosh, then i also learned HTML and web design (thank you PSP7) and created my own website; ha this is a little after i learned what the heck the internet was and after my parents got AOL. speaking of which i remember wasting hours on Instant Messenger. oh and no one but rich people had cell phones and they were still pretty large, and people relied on pagers! ha!

i also remember barely scratching the surface of what i believed in, and only barely understanding Christ's love for me.

hmm. sometimes it's nice to revisit those memories. i know i'm still so young, but its so funny to look at yourself when you were EVEN younger.

"let everything that i said i'd do,

like make the world brand new,

and take the time for you

i just got lost and slept right through the dawn

and the world spins madly on."