scars are souvenirs you never loose, the past is never far.

wow, i am so nostalgic.

sitting on my couch i just had a flashback to middle school. life was so different then.

not necessarily easier, just different.

i remember my obsession with teen movies from the 80s and my serious crush on john cusack. oh and let's not forget my revisiting of 80s music: Duran Duran, Tears for Fears, Howard Jones, anyone? then there was also the fact that i would waste hours playing "zelda: ocarina of time" on my brothers N64. oh and then there was also that shameful fact that Sailormoon (anime on cartoon network) was my more of my guilty pleasure tv show then say the oh so popular Dawson's Creek.

i also thought i was such a bad ass cause my friends and i swore like a sailors (i sadly still struggle with this believe it or not) and cause we listened to hard core/alternative bands like Korn, Silver Chair, and the Offspring (although i still secretly had soft spots for those soul searching people/bands like Jewel, Alanis, Pearl Jam, and Paula Cole). i remember how i thought i wanted to be an archeologist, mainly because i loved history and was obsessed with indiana jones. oh and i should also mention that i adored science fiction. i would watch the tv show Babylon 5 with my dad, and i was in love with Star Wars.

hahaha. a closet nerd as you can tell.

i remember "going out" for the first and only time (before my college years) with the guy i liked, and breaking up with him after a week cause i got scared of commitment. oh how silly, right? i also remember never having to travel far for holidays, all of my family was in pittsburgh, everyone was so close. i also remember my love for vampire novels (yes and this was WAY before twilight was ever written). oh and when i used to day dream for hours about that handsome prince who would sweep me off my feet someday. then there was also my crushes on numerous Pittsburgh Penguins (including Alexi Morosov *le sigh*). middle school was also the time when i met Jane Austen and entered the world of P&P and Mansfield Park. gosh, then i also learned HTML and web design (thank you PSP7) and created my own website; ha this is a little after i learned what the heck the internet was and after my parents got AOL. speaking of which i remember wasting hours on Instant Messenger. oh and no one but rich people had cell phones and they were still pretty large, and people relied on pagers! ha!

i also remember barely scratching the surface of what i believed in, and only barely understanding Christ's love for me.

hmm. sometimes it's nice to revisit those memories. i know i'm still so young, but its so funny to look at yourself when you were EVEN younger.

"let everything that i said i'd do,

like make the world brand new,

and take the time for you

i just got lost and slept right through the dawn

and the world spins madly on."

all who wander are not lost.

is it really september? can summer really go by so fast? can life really change as quickly as it has?

it still feels like summer here in denver. 90 degree heat with zero humidity. i know i shouldn't wish summer by just yet, but i have always been hopelessly in love with autumn. so as much as i don't want summer to leave (because it means winter is coming), i just can't help it because i love the fall so much. (i even bought a mulled cider candle yesterday).

life has gotten into more of a steady swing of things. work, building relationships, exploring, living.

i feel for the most part very much at peace, and yet at times i feel like i'm living in a dream. this is not the same life i was living only 3 months ago now, was it? where did that place go? who was that girl? hmm, how existential of me.

i feel different and yet still the same kind of insecure...

i want to be so confident in God, and His way, that my own concerns, insecurities, failures won't matter any more. i will only want to love selflessly and give abundantly to those i meet.

wouldn't that be so beautiful? i'd like to live that kind of beautiful.

my heart exults.

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; to him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him." _Psalm 28:7

RA's have arrived. Debo's staff are really wonderful. There are ten of them two ARDs and eight RAs, 4 guys, 6 girls. Things are in full swing with staff training, so Debo has been super busy and this weekend I haven't seen him much.

In the past this would have bothered me more. For instance when we first moved out to Indiana and RD/RA training started, I hated it. It was all new and unfamiliar, I felt left out (since I was no longer a student or RA anymore), and I felt lonely being in a brand new place with no family or friends around and my husband gone doing stuff. It took me a lot of time to adjust and a lot of time to assert my independence. I also however did not trust God enough. I tried to handle things on my own.

Here in Colorado, being two years older and having gone through everything I have in the past two months, I feel actually quite calm being alone. I suppose I can only assert this to the fact that I will not let myself take my eyes off my Creator. I have held on more tightly, believed more firmly, and trusted more deeply then I have ever before in my life. God is good, so good. The blessings He bestows are endless, and if we ask Him for those blessings (the ones He wants to give, not the ones we want Him to give), and we trust and have faith in Him, believe me friends He will not let us down.

I feel so confident because I trust Him. Yes, I still miss my family and friends that is only natural. However, I don't feel afraid to be alone, or to be left out. I don't worry about making new friends, or getting to know our students. I know that I will be okay on my own because I have my God. I know I will not concern over being left out because I have my God. I know that we will make new friends and pour into our students because I have my God. It is completely freeing to not stress over those little things that often make a new place hard to adjust too.

I just wanted to express this all on here because I want to publicly praise God for answering our prayers. I want to praise God for His challenges in my life and how He has brought me from out of the pit. I want to praise God by letting all know how He will never leave us alone and that He makes this life worth living.

Two months ago, Debo and I lost our home, job, and community. From the ashes he brought us a new home, new jobs, and a new community, but He also brought us something more. He brought us the realization that without Him all those things don't really matter and that with Him all things are possible.


He is good. My heart truly exults.